Playlist: Santa Noah's Holiday Classix

My first-ever job-- one that I worked from the age of 15 into my early 20s-- was in retail. This leaves one with rather strong opinions on holiday music, since you are exposed to it nonstop for the final two months of the year. There are some tunes I never want to hear again and feel just slightly violent whenever they get played, there are some I still manage to enjoy after that whole ordeal, and there are several overlooked gems that I had always wished the radio stations would end up playing even once in a while, rather than sticking to the same rotation of two dozen hits that's been set in stone for 40-odd years.

To wit! I've created a playlist of my wintertime staples. It wound up pretty damn long, so I thought I'd walk all zero of my readers on here through a couple of the highlights. The full playlist (via Spotify) will be embedded at the bottom of this post.

Santa Noah's Holiday Classix

Father Christmas - The Kinks

Kicking off the festivities is none other than the Kinks, who sought to remind the world that they were the original punks with this high-energy, offbeat Christmas story about getting mugged while dressed as Santa Claus. Dave Davies once lamented that he wished the Ramones had covered this one. What coulda been...

The Chanukah Song - Adam Sandler

This one's always been near and dear to me. Growing up Jewish, the holiday season always had sort of a weird undercurrent to it. Throughout elementary school (and to a bit of a lesser extent, middle school), I was one of the few Jewish kids in the vicinity, so I always wound up feeling a little alienated come December-- like I had somehow lost a contest where the prize was Top Holiday, simply by being born. Rubbing salt in the wound, all of the specials and movies I looked forward to watching each December-- A Charlie Brown Christmas, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, The Year Without A Santa Clause-- guess what they weren't about! There weren't even any Hanukkah (this is how I spell it) songs, as far as little-kid-me could tell.

Until my Dad showed me this one.

From the very first verse, it seemed like Sandler was extending an olive branch to me directly:

Hannukkah is the Festival of Lights

Instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights

But when you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree

Here's a list of people who are Jewish, just like you and me

Whoa! I felt legitimized! 

Sandler has since penned multiple alternate versions of the song, running the gamut of Semitic celebs, and he's even starred in an animated film that's sorta-loosely-connected to it, of questionable quality (the animation itself and the musical numbers are very strong though).

Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight) - The Ramones

Speaking of the Ramones and Christmas songs, they have one of their own! Penned by Joey, it evokes his signature bittersweet vibes, optimistic about a tough situation. I've always felt that Joey Ramone was one of the most beautiful songwriters; he could capture emotions that felt so real to me, grounded in the grimy reality of the world while remaining eternally romantic, that very few others can touch for my money.

Snowblind - Black Sabbath

What? This song's about playing in the snow, right?

Ding Dong, Ding Dong - George Harrison

Every December without fail, the Wonderful Christmastime vs. War Is Over (If You Want It) debate rages on. It's a moot point, though, as George came forth with the best Solo Beatle Holiday Tune. (The two aforementioned songs, as well as an entry from Ringo, are all featured in the full version of the playlist-- bottom of the post, in case you forgot!)

Christmas At Ground Zero - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Let's go for two mild Christmas song takes in a row-- I've always felt that this was the superior Weird Al Christmas song.

Snow Miser/Heat Miser - Snow Mister/Heat Miser

An all-time favorite for me. Love these two crazy dudes! 

The other day, I was made aware of an inexplicable 2006 live-action remake of The Year Without A Santa Clause, where Michael McKean and Harvey Fierstein portray Misers Snow and Heat respectively. I'm sure the full movie is terrible, but credit where credit is due, the two wonderful actors absolutely go to town with these roles.

There Ain't No Sanity Clause - The Damned

Punk pioneers the Damned's holiday offering is a riff on one of the most popular Marx Brothers routines. What's not to love?

Linus & Lucy - Vince Guaraldi

Vince Guaraldi's melancholy, jazzy music perfectly captured the tone of Peanuts, and there are several of his Snoopy Symphonies present in the full version of this playlist. I'm choosing Linus & Lucy as the one to represent them all here, as it has to be the definitive cut off of A Charlie Brown Christmas' soundtrack.

Christmas - The Who

One of the best offerings off of the Who's magnum opus (or one of their magnum opuses, at least), questioning how a deaf, dumb and blind pinball aficionado can celebrate Jesus' birthday properly. This one is a true tour de force that displays the bombastic scale you'd expect when you hear the term "rock opera". It's all over the place, it's chaos, it's rock and roll, it's phenomenal, it's the Who.

The Lonely Jew on Christmas - Kyle Broflovski

Many fond memories of sneak-watching South Park episodes with my middle school friends on the school laptops that were provided to us so we could do schoolwork or something stupid like that. As you might have guessed after reading my reminiscing about Sandler's tune earlier on, this one hit home for me the first time I heard it at age 12 or so.

Run Rudolph Run - Chuck Berry. 

Like I mentioned before, there are a couple of radio-approved holiday staples that I still enjoy, even after being waterboarded with them for half a decade at the drug store. This is one of them! Chuck Berry's the best.

Don't Eat The Yellow Snow - Frank Zappa

Sage advice.

Merry Xmas Everybody - Slade

An online friend of mine and I often find our conversations turn to saying "Slade is underrated" back and forth. Hear for yourself!

Unwrap You At Christmas - The Monkees

The Monkees' (also underrated! I have a six-hour playlist of Monkee cuts that is too overwhelming to ever do an entry on here) final studio album (in 2018, believe it or not) was a Christmas record. It's not, y'know, their most memorable stuff, but it's fun. Unwrap You At Christmas is a highlight, about getting naked.

Don't Be A Jerk (It's Christmas) - SpongeBob SquarePants

SpongeBob goes Spector (the Ronettes and the Crystals are well-represented in the full playlist), with this shimmering, jingling ode to what makes Mr. SquarePants such an endearing character-- his earnest commitment to trying to be his best self in spite of all the everything. God bless 'im.

White Christmas - The Chesterfield Kings

The princes of the 80s garage-rock revival put their own Ramones-revved spin on a classic. Bing shoulda tried it this way.